Gender dysphoria is intriguing, since not many people know how to really define it. Some wonder if it is real or not. Same-sex preferences seem to have found their definition, but not gender confusion. Many people assume that gender confusion is another form of homosexuality, but that is not the case.
I’m simplifying it this way for myself: humans physically identify ourselves based on different visual markers as either male or female.
We weren’t really taught as children to identify with each other through emotional aspects as if we were blindfolded. What would happen if we ‘transcended gender’?
Would we then identify ourselves based on behaviors, activities and attributes that our society considers appropriate for one gender or another? Would we give more importance to internal longings, to identification preferences?
Having represented various clinical psychologists, psychiatrists, pediatricians, and parenting experts, I learned a few things.
Are there early signs? They say yes. Can this Gender Dysphoria be triggered by a physical ailment? They also say yes. Happiness and health have a direct correlation, and someone who doesn’t identify with their desired gender may be in the throes of a core internal struggle.
Madeline H. Wyndzen, Ph.D., a transgender professor of psychology (http://www.GenderPsychology.org), talks about her personal experiences and candidly shares her agony: “One day in high school, after the pushed again, a principal tried to teach me to ‘stop crying’ and ‘be a man’. Bullies, teachers and others taught me the same thing: there was something terribly wrong with my feelings. I tried as hard as I could to purge myself myself every expression of emotion. Really, I just needed to be taught a lesson—we don’t need to learn. Be ourselves, just be ourselves.”
Here are some signs that a child may be experiencing gender dysphoria:
They strongly prefer to be referred to as the opposite gender. This can occur as early as elementary school. They strongly prefer playing with friends of the gender they wish to identify with and prefer all identifying markers, from clothing to toys to activities. Obvious attempts to hide physical gender markers, especially at puberty, and more importantly, show extreme distress over the changes at that time.
A few years ago, I represented a leading pediatric endocrinologist, Francine Kaufman, MD. She specializes in treating disorders of the hormone-secreting glands that regulate myriad functions, from diseases of the thyroid to the pituitary. Here are some things I learned from her:
Families wrestle with real issues of gender confusion. Patients have come to her in their early tween years. Sometimes chemical imbalances and hormonal deficiencies tip the identification preference. Sometimes it’s a combination of medical and emotional issues that triggers gender confusion. Our chromosomes can transcend the gender norms assigned to us by our sex. And sometimes, even to the delivery doctor, the gender is unclear at birth, as babies can appear with both male and female genitalia.
Dealing with possible gender confusion is not easy. Families will often hide what is going on with their children in that regard. Not knowing who you really are has a strong stigma attached to it. But how a family deals with that confusion is important because it can save or help their children. Dr. Kaufman shared with me how rejection of those early signs and shame had tragic results. Sometimes the agony is so intense that it pushes children to consider suicide. Any early distress about gender should be discussed with your child and the appropriate professionals consulted.
Try not to expect masculine and feminine behaviors to manifest in your children’s lives because of the division of household responsibilities.
Encourage your children to participate in activities that enhance their individuality and self-esteem, especially if abilities and talents are unique or obvious.
He has an open mind. Do not panic. Sometimes it’s a phase and sometimes it’s not. Trust her instincts and what your child is trying to tell you and show you, then go from there.
It’s important to talk openly about gender dysphoria with children who experience it. The idea is to offer support in dealing with gender confusion early on, by understanding its cause and symptoms, and by talking openly with them (with the help of a professional if necessary). It is opportune to end with these words:
“The beloved community is not formed by the eradication of difference but by its affirmation, by each one of us reclaiming the identities and cultural legacies that shape who we are and how we live in the world.” -bell hooks
