Genuine empathy is the ability to feel deeply into the emotional state of another human being. In short, it is the ability to put ourselves in the place of another. We learn to be empathic as children, based on the first love relationships with parents. There are exceptions. Some people are very empathetic, despite being treated with negligence and cruelty. These extraordinary people have transformed their psychological suffering and deprivation to get in touch with that part of themselves that is capable of caring deeply for others. Being truly empathic is one of the wonderful traits that makes us whole human beings. A life without empathy is superficial, inert and meaningless.
The narcissist (especially high-level narcissists who are very successful in the world) is highly skilled
in false empathy or what can be called pseudo empathy. The socially gifted narcissist is an expert at convincing others that they care deeply about them. “Pseudo empathy is exquisitely designed by the narcissist to manipulate others into meeting their narcissistic needs.”
The narcissist is always mentally turning their world around to find ways to replenish their narcissistic needs for money, power, adulation, praise, and even veneration. He is looking for others who will fulfill his worldly goals. He looks for bright, motivated people to whom he can delegate most of the work and then turn around and take credit for himself. In his personal life, the narcissist finds partners who enhance his image of perfection, self-righteousness, and ultimate power. These individuals are emotionally flexible and drawn to him.
The narcissist traps others by appealing to their narcissistic needs to be loved, cared for, feel valuable, attractive, and powerful. When a narcissist is turning on their well-practiced fake empathy, the unsuspecting victim feels singled out as a very special person who is appreciated and indispensable (often for the first time in her life).
Many followers of the narcissist never wake up. They remain selfless servants, unable to psychologically part with him. Many of those who realize the price they are paying (by giving up their own lives) make the Faustian bargain, deciding that the lifestyle and perks associated with being part of the narcissist’s enchanted circle and entourage are worth it.
Those who are ready to break free from the narcissist’s pseudo-empathy and the powerful pull of their promises can break free through these steps:
1. Identify what the narcissist really wants from you (24/7 availability to work non-stop, sexual favors,
the hijacking of their creativity for their own venal purposes.
2. Practice positive self-talk. Be kind to yourself. Recognize that your life has its own special meaning without the narcissist.
3. Count your special gifts. Write down how you will use them in this new life cycle.
4. Practice emotional independence, starting with small steps.
5. Seek solid professional help (if necessary) to break your relationship with the narcissist in your private or professional life.
6. Verbalize your appreciation for the courage, strength, and action it takes to walk away from the narcissist’s false empathy, psychological trappings, and tempting empty promises.
