If a man spends a lot of time doing things for his mother, it may seem like he has no needs. Unlike many people on the planet, he will be a selfless human being.
Being like this, not only her mother can give her a lot of approval, many other people can as well. Therefore, he may be used to receiving a fair amount of positive feedback from others.
A constant stream of positivity
His mother might describe him as the perfect son, someone who does what he can to be there for her and make sure she’s okay. As for his friends, colleagues, and the people he knows at work, for example, these people might also say something very similar.
However, if the man is in a relationship, his partner might have a very different view of him. She might see him as someone who is there for others but not there for himself or her.
Out of balance
Now regardless of whether he is in a relationship or not, what is clear is that he is neglecting himself. Thus, although you will be kind to others, you will not be very kind to yourself.
With this in mind, the kindness you show towards others is unlikely to be real kindness. Instead, the main reason you behave this way is likely to please others.
anything but selfless
This will show that you have a strong need for approval, and that most of your life is a way to achieve it. If you were to draw the line and change your behavior, you would probably come into contact with a lot of mental and emotional pain.
Still, this is not to say that this is something he consciously chooses to do, as it is likely something that just happens. In general, he is likely to focus on what is going on externally and have little or no awareness of what is going on internally.
on the surface
As a result of this, your needs and feelings are typically a mystery to him. What won’t be a mystery to him, however, will be the needs and feelings of most of the people in his life.
Living this way will be a very effective way to gain approval, but it will not be a very effective way to live a fulfilling life. For that to happen, you’ll need to get in touch with yourself and start taking care of your own needs.
in denial
But, although living in this will not really serve you, you will feel compelled to behave in the same way. For him it will be essential to deceive others, as well as himself, since it will be a way of keeping his true feelings at bay.
Ultimately, your true self will be dominated by your false self, and it could take something drastic for this to change. The man may need to have a nervous breakdown, a breakup or an illness to finally connect with the true essence of him.
Loaded
Because he has such a strong need to behave in the same way and avoid reality, it is clear that he is carrying a lot of pain. If this wasn’t the case, you could just see what’s going on and change your behavior.
To understand why he carries so much pain and behaves this way, it will be necessary to take a closer look at what probably happened during his early years. This may have been a time in his life where he missed out on what he needed to grow and develop.
Way back
Most likely, your mother used it to satisfy some of her unmet adult and childhood needs. This would have meant that most of her needs would have been overlooked and she would have to concentrate on her mother and take care of her needs.
If I hadn’t done this, and this probably would have happened anyway, I would have been punished, disapproved of, and/or dumped. The result of all this is that his true self would have been hidden and a false self would have developed.
Weak Foundations
Not having his needs consistently met would have prevented him from going through each stage of development and caused him great suffering. The false self that developed very early would have allowed him to survive and, now that he is an adult, will allow him to stick together.
If this false self were to vanish, he would once again be thrown back into the emotional pain he experienced as a child. He will not have received the nutrients he needed to develop a strong core and that is why he will need the approval of others to prevent him from falling apart.
Awareness
If a man can relate to this and is ready to change his life, he may need to seek outside support. This is something that can be provided with the help of a therapist or a healer.
