Have you ever wondered about this? How do you know that you have found the right person to share the rest of your life with? Perhaps you have been dating for quite some time and have started to wonder if this person can be your soulmate. Maybe you are single and wondering if it is really possible to know the answer to this question, or maybe you are married and have doubts about whether you made the right decision in selecting this person as your partner.
I’ve heard a lot of answers to this question, and really the best answer seems to be that you just know. And I’m going to use the rest of this article to argue why I think this is so. See, the way you can recognize that someone is not the right match for you is the same way that you can recognize that they are.
This concept of knowing when someone is the ONE is very easy to misunderstand. Why? Because unless certain preconditions are met, your ability to recognize the correct one will suffer. You may be confused or think there’s no way to tell if that someone is him, but here’s the good news: It’s actually possible to tell, as long as the right conditions are met.
What are those preconditions?
1. Your heart has to be completely open.
2. You have to have the ability to be completely honest with yourself.
3. You have to trust your intuition.
4. The moment has to be right.
Let’s explore each of these conditions in more detail. Having an open heart means that you are honestly in touch with your feelings. Often as we grow up our hearts are broken, most often multiple times in many different ways, so as we learn to protect our hearts it begins to close.
How do I know this is true? By the time I was around 18, I had learned to become almost completely insensitive to my feelings. To protect myself from the pain I was experiencing at that point in my life, I had become rock cold and hard. I had basically closed myself off from life. I was still fine with my daily life, but I was certainly not in touch with my feelings. I felt safe as I didn’t let anyone see who I really was or how I felt inside, but at the same time it was impossible for me to feel loved or accepted for who I was.
We have heard the expression “build a brick wall around our heart.” That way we protect ourselves from being hurt, but what we also do is not allow love to seep in or out. This concept can be understood on a deeper level.
When we live with an open heart and follow our passions, we live in alignment with who we are. However, even so, there will be pain. In order to learn certain life lessons, we need to experience situations where we can hurt ourselves or even others. This is an important part of our growth process.
Unless you live in a self-imposed sealed box, it is virtually impossible to avoid pain. And even if you lived in that box, you would subconsciously attract events into your life to try to get you out of it. In life, some pain is really necessary. But even though we can’t really avoid pain, this doesn’t mean we have to suffer. Suffering occurs only when we choose to hold on to that pain by not understanding how to properly process it and let it go.
It is this process of learning to fully acknowledge and feel our feelings, both negative and positive, that will help us become who we are and define what we should do in this world. And by learning to let go of our negative feelings, we can grow emotionally and experience more happiness, love, and joy. I truly believe that each of us has come into this world to share and experience love.
To understand how you can live with an open heart, think of your heart like any other muscle. It has to be constantly exercised to grow. Just as you go to a gym to lift weights and build your muscles, you also need to exercise your heart. Every time you follow your heart and your passions, and face the challenges that come with that, you are exercising your heart. Any bodybuilder knows that the more pain you are open to experiencing, with proper rest and nutrition, the stronger your muscles will grow. The same goes for learning to master your emotions.
Please don’t misunderstand. You should never intentionally hurt yourself or expose yourself to abuse or harm. I am simply saying that by allowing yourself to live from an open heart, you have already exposed yourself to the possibility of someone hurting you or inadvertently hurting someone else. This is very different from doing something intentionally. By following your heart, you are simply not allowing those self-imposed beliefs to shut down your life. This process will automatically make you more vulnerable.
Only in the moments when we make mistakes or get hurt do we have the ability to grow. By learning to process our negative feelings and love others and ourselves despite our faults, we are able to keep our hearts open. It is also this process of keeping our hearts open that allows us to cultivate our ability to know if someone is the right or wrong life partner for us. To better understand how it’s possible to love someone and recognize that they’re not the right partner for life, read one of my previous articles, “Dealing with a Painful Divorce or Breakup: Understanding When Love Isn’t Enough.”
This ability to keep an open heart is the first precondition for knowing if someone is the one.
The second precondition is to be completely honest with yourself. This trait is interconnected with learning to live from an open heart. The more honest you become with yourself, the harder it is for you to deny the truth of how you feel. Learning to be honest with how you feel is not just an easy walk in the park. Most of us are masters at hiding our feelings, in one way or another. Not wanting to face the truth of how we feel, we often just get inundated with distractions instead of facing some basic truths. But it is only by learning to be honest with what you feel that you can gain the ability to know if someone is the right one for you or not.
Unless you’re honest about your feelings, it’s impossible to just “know” if someone might be right for you. You may even be married to a person, but you are still not sure if this person is your soul mate. This brings us to our third condition, trusting our intuition. Our intuition develops when we are honest about our feelings, both positive and negative.
Before I continue, let me briefly explain how I view negative feelings. In fact, I see all feelings in a positive or neutral way. For example, I have learned to enjoy the times when I am sad as a beautiful part of life, so that I can fully experience those parts of life as well. I think we should all develop more positive views about our negative feelings in general, if that makes sense, as our pure negative feelings like anger, frustration, sadness, disappointment, fear, and grief are necessary to help us. to maintain balance. That means you can’t experience true joy in life without being able to fully experience your sadness.
But let’s go back to exploring intuition. Developing your honesty about your feelings will improve your sensitivity to your own intuition. Call it sixth sense or higher wisdom, or whatever. It is that inner voice that we all have that is capable of detecting the truth. However, the more we believe in lies, the more disconnected we become from this inner voice. Our intuition is only strengthened and developed when we make decisions from a place of open heart and become more sensitive to our feelings.
The reason women are often said to be more intuitive is because it is our feminine side that is connected to our feelings. Ultimately, it is from learning to listen to your intuition that you can simply “know” if someone is right for you or not. When you hear a happily married couple say that they just knew they were made for each other, in fact, these were the preconditions that were met.
Sometimes it takes the right time to just know. We all progress and develop at different speeds. The old saying that when the student is ready the teacher will appear also applies to recognizing the right one. And, unless the above three conditions are met, this may not be the right time to welcome or meet your soul mate.
Finally, often the people who have found the right person have not consciously tried to fulfill these conditions. They have simply lived through them, and as a result, they can recognize their proper life partner.
However, if you’re one of those people who struggles to find the right one, understanding this process intellectually can help you know where you might be stuck. The very fact that you are reading this post is a sign that you are open to seeking help in finding your soul mate. I congratulate you for being on the right path.
I wish you good luck in life and may you find the right partner for you.
