Years ago, there was a trend in counseling for the woman to come forward without the man in order to share her feelings and talk about her lack of communication. There was a joke about this: the definition of counseling was “where does a woman go so she can get someone else to agree with her that her partner is being mixed race!”
It is now more common for men to initiate counseling, especially in sex therapy. His attitude is often intensely protective of his wife: he is not there to criticize. He says that she is a wonderful woman, except that she is not interested in sex like him. Sally was happy with sex once a month and in bed, but Will wanted it every day and preferably on the beach or in the back seat of the car or swinging on the dining room lamp.
However, this sex shortage is certainly not just a men’s problem. There are many frustrated women. More men are stressed by work and women’s demands to communicate and men react by turning off sex.
John never initiated sex. Lisa was frustrated because she was always the one asking. John assured Lisa that he wanted to make love, he just didn’t think about it before she did.
Research reveals that most couples are dissatisfied with their sex life. Seven years after being married, three-quarters of couples say they are dissatisfied with their sex lives and might consider missing out. Couples rarely discuss their sexual desires. According to a survey, only 41 percent of women said they had discussed their sex life with their partners or told them what turned them on.
The solution is to speak sooner rather than later, with the common goal of resolving the sexual impasse. As you can see from the examples above, there is no use blaming one of the partners.
Sexual intimacy is a team sport in society. If the brain is the most important sex organ, the tongue is the most important sexual tool, so start talking. Accept your external tensions and internal resentments. Consult a sex therapist for good sexual strategies or a couples counselor to resolve the relationship. Sex is 25% of the glue for lasting love, so you need to rekindle it if you want your partner to last.
