Have you ever seen a frustrated father in the store with his children? The kids look so tired and stressed, just like mom or dad. What makes some parents suffer the “terrible years of two” while others enjoy the “tremendous years of two”? These three simple strategies may be the key you’re looking for to turn your child from terrible to great.
Key #1 – Savor every moment
Adults are always busy. Rushing to conquer the next task, thinking about tomorrow’s meetings and deadlines, stressing about how much we have to do and how little time is left. Most parents are somewhere else, most of the time, rather than in the here and now. Children don’t do this. They live in the “now” and savor and delight in whatever the moment brings.
When you watch a child at play, you are completely absorbed in the activity at hand. It is as if they ARE the activity. You are one with the process of it, the flow. They are in the SELF and mindfulness. Full attention and focus is given to whatever they are doing at the time. They focus on what is happening right now, in this moment.
Key #2 – Align with your child’s sense of rhythm
Children live in a world of rhythm, what adults can call “flow”. Flow is basically losing yourself in whatever you’re doing right now. In children, I call this rhythm. They inhale and exhale the moment. They forget about the outside world and are completely absorbed in what they are doing, be it playing, washing, jumping, drawing, coloring, etc.
Adults recognize that this is a wonderfully productive area to be in. In the workplace, much more is accomplished and we feel more satisfied and happy at the same time. So try to get into the rhythm of your child’s activity. If you go from one activity to another, don’t stress that activity A wasn’t completed, just allow yourself to move on to activity B and enjoy the process.
Key #3 – Practice gratitude
When you’re with your child, make a mental note of at least five things you’re grateful for right now. Are they joyful while doing what they do? Are you grateful to have a son? Grateful to have time to devote to this activity? Recall for a very brief moment the news you have heard (right now the tsunami in Japan comes to mind) and give thanks for the blessings that have been given to you in your life. Your child is a very unique extension of you.
As you develop this practice, look at the areas you have labeled “problems” in your child and turn the problem into a strength. An example of this would be “my son throws tantrums when he doesn’t get what he wants.” To change that would be, “I’m thankful that we have options and my son is aware of the abundance of options. I’m thankful that my son is independent enough to know what he wants. I’m grateful to be in a place where they can present themselves.” these options”.
When we live in the present moment, we allow ourselves to flow with the rhythms of being a child and are grateful, then almost magically: the self we may have perceived as a “terrible” two-year-old suddenly becomes quite “fantastic.”
