I always love it when I hear a really fancy speaker. Barack Obama is stylish. Sean Connery is elegant. My first grade teacher, Miss Banta, was elegant. She was mesmerized in her class when she always told us “extra” things in her lessons. Her enthusiasm was contagious. I can still remember the things she said and the way she used to float like a butterfly.
Elegance means not just a nice voice, but interesting, compelling and memorable content in what you say. People who pepper their speech with interesting stories, anecdotes, and fresh tidbits of information always make us perk up and pay attention. These people are elegant communicators. The good news is that this is not a talent. It is skill, and it can be learned. This skill can be applied to public speaking or everyday communication.
Elegance in communication is like Dress for Success, only it goes beyond clothes. Elegant communication involves every part of you: your actions, your speech, your nonverbal communication, your choice of words, and your character. Elegant communication involves your manners, the way you speak, and basically, your manners, with yourself and with others, at all times, especially in a crisis. Elegance involves being graceful under pressure.
Both men and women can be elegant communicators. John F. Kennedy was an elegant communicator, as was Abraham Lincoln, especially in his debates with Douglass, when, as an unknown, he won the hearts of the nation. Nobel Peace Prize laureate Aung San Suu-Kyi from Burma was one of the most elegant communicators of all time. In a violent pro-democracy protest, she was able to silence a crowd using only her eyes and her immense dignity. And Nelson Mandela’s elegance and grace under extreme pressure and adversity helped change the world in the 20th century.
Many of the most graceful communicators of all time weren’t born with their skills, but they worked very hard to acquire them. Grace Kelly was so ashamed of her harsh Philadelphia accent that she asked her father for a tape recorder at age 18 and she worked hours listening to her voice and correcting the inflections with great discipline. Later, as a successful actress and princess in Monaco, this discipline and determination made a monumental difference in her communication with the people of Monaco, Europe, and the world and helped her serve as an elegant ambassador for the American people and culture.
The ancient Greek orator Demosthenes was the classic example of someone who worked very hard to become an elegant communicator. He was born with a severe speech impediment and people made fun of his stutter at his first public meeting. To learn to speak clearly, he spoke with pebbles in his mouth and recited verses while running uphill. (Not only did it force him to improve his speaking skills, but it also got him into great physical shape (another aspect of being graceful). To strengthen his voice, he spoke on the seashore over the roar of the waves. His discipline and determination helped him become one of the greatest orators of ancient Greece.
You can learn the skills you need to become a graceful communicator. I call them the 12 Steps to Being an Elegant Communicator: Guidelines You Can Follow That Can Change Your Life.
The 12 ingredients of Elegant Communication(TM)
1. Honesty: Practice rigorous honesty in everything you do, all your transactions, all relationships
two. Confidence: Develop confidence, and exude it, without arrogance, help others to be confident.
3. Flexibility: Quickly adjust and adapt to unexpected changes. Life is a “Plan B”: be adaptable to changes.
Four. Passion: Exude passion in everything you do. Feel passion. Do things that you are passionate about, do them often!
5. practice: Practice hard, for long periods of time until you get tired, and practice often.
6. Praise: Be enormously encouraging to yourself and to others. Give praise showers.
7. Play: Yes, play. If you want to be elegant, learn to play. Play creates balance in our lives and allows us to be more creative and productive when we work.
8. Position: When you have good posture, your performance improves. Don’t let yourself be lazy. Posture yourself as a person of good character and stick with it RELENTLESSLY, no matter the circumstances.
9. Physical aptitude: Strive to be fit, it gives you confidence and keeps you in your best shape.
10 To be interesting: Learn, have a varied life, read, attend workshops, study, have hobbies, have adventures!
eleven Be interested: Have and show interest in others, ask questions frequently. Always ask!
12 Discipline: Be very disciplined, find ways to bring discipline into your life. Be focused and use discipline to keep your focus. Have goals, every day, every month, every year!
