Recent studies show that more and more couples are sleeping in separate beds, and even in separate bedrooms. Numerous reports claim that 1 in 4 couples have adopted this habit and the National Association of Home Builders predicts that by 2015 60% of new luxury homes will be built with more than one “master bedroom” to accommodate this growing trend . When this topic was discussed on a recent Oprah Winfrey show, Dr. Phil was undeterred as to what he thought of this trend.
“If people are building houses with two main bedrooms, a town somewhere is missing an idiot,” Dr. Phil chimed in an Oprah Winfrey “Are you normal?” show that aired on October 1, 2010. There are many legitimate reasons for couples claiming to be “happily married” to separate beds and even separate rooms. Some couples simply find it difficult to get a good night’s rest when sharing a bed with a partner who snores, moves around too much, gets up frequently to go to the bathroom, enjoys a mattress of different firmness, talks in his sleep, wants to sleep at a different temperature or just hog the sheets. Add to this the stress of having babies waking up needing to be fed, children crawling in bed after a bad dream and it’s no wonder so many couples yearn for a little space and sanctuary of their own.
However, sleeping in separate rooms can be a bad habit for couples, slowly damaging the special bond between husband and life. Dr. Phil noted that the intimacy that comes from talking in bed late at night and early in the morning with your spouse is one of the things that is unique to marriage and distinguishes it from other relationships in our lives.
So, have you and your spouse fallen into this bad habit of separate bedrooms? Is it a convenience or a sign of trouble? There is a difference between sleeping in the guest room when you have a cold and coughing all night (that is being considered) and making the decision to occupy separate sleeping areas permanently.
From personal experience, I can tell you that permanently separating bedrooms with your spouse is not a positive habit for the overall health of your marriage. While different sleep schedules and preferences led to an increasingly regular habit of “sleeping in the other room,” before my husband and I knew it, the habit had become a permanent solution. In retrospect, the decision to separate the room marked the beginning of the general erosion of intimacy in our relationship, even if we didn’t realize it at the time. I wouldn’t say it was the cause of the end of our 20-year marriage, but it certainly didn’t help and was a symptom of larger issues that we were reluctant to address.
Have you fallen into the bad habit of sleeping in separate rooms? Are your problems in your marriage that you are reluctant to address? It’s never too late to “tune up” your marriage and develop healthier, more loving habits. Even if your spouse isn’t interested in working to improve your marriage, you can make a big difference in the quality of your marriage if you know how to do it.
