If you’ve seen the Oscar-winning movie “Juno,” you might remember the husband (played by Jason Bateman) saying, “We can get a collaborative divorce. I hear it’s all the rage.”
He is right. There are twenty times as many collaborative professionals now as there were just ten years ago. And this explosion is changing the way people get divorced from Canada to the Far East.
This is why. One of the biggest advantages of a collaborative divorce is that you can stay outside of the courtroom. In fact, both clients and their lawyers sign a document promising to settle without going to court.
This immediately sets the mood that it won’t be an “us” versus “them” battle. Instead, it is a team approach where you, your spouse, and your attorneys sit around a table to openly discuss your needs. Your collaborative team may also include a divorce coach, financial expert, and child specialist.
Together, you and your team find creative solutions that help you feel more confident about your future.
For example, in traditional litigation, a court often requires you to sell your home and divide your assets. In a collaborative divorce, you may decide it’s better to rent the house for a couple of years and then buy it back from your ex or sell it at a later date. You can explore all of your options and decide what is best for you and your family.
Working with a team of collaborative professionals does something else. It keeps you lucid and focused throughout the entire process. As a lawyer, I think this is crucial.
Time and time again, I see people go into divorce proceedings drowning in their emotions. They are so consumed that they cannot assess their situation correctly. The result: they make decisions that they later regret.
Instead, a collaborative team helps you see clearly during this difficult time so you can make ideal long-term decisions.
And in a collaborative divorce, you remain in full control of the process. You dictate the pace of the meetings and the settlement terms. This saves you a considerable amount of time and money.
So when Jayna L., a physician, divorced her husband after 14 years, they chose the collaborative model. She said: “I have other friends who are going through a divorce and they’re going through that horrible time where one lawyer writes a contract and then sends it to the other, and the other tears it up and goes back and forth.”
Since we all did it together, we were able to agree on things, I think, much faster. . . it was much friendlier, there was no animosity in the process, which I know can happen.”
More importantly, your children do not become bargaining chips in court or suffer additional emotional stress.
Your team coaches and child specialist help you understand what your children might not admit. This gives children a voice in the process that alleviates much of the hurt, anger, and fear that divorce often brings.
In addition, the collaborative model understands that after a divorce, you do not stop being a family. The model redefines the structure of his family, knowing that they still have a future together.
That’s why you won’t hear cold court terms like “custody” or “visitation.” After all, you don’t want to “visit” your kids, you want to spend time with them, right?
And the reality is, you want to attend their school concerts, watch them blow out the candles on their birthday cake, and one day dance at their weddings.
I’m not saying collaborative divorce leaves you all holding hands and giving each other group hugs. Sure, meetings can get stressful and you’ll need to get outside for fresh air. you are human. Divorce is hard. But that’s when your skilled team becomes invaluable.
They gently guide you back to the issues at hand so that you can work through the difficult emotions that are sure to come up. And with a clear head, you’ll develop fair solutions that allow everyone—you, your ex, and your children—to recover faster and look to the future with confidence.
To see if the collaborative model is right for you, download your free “Collaborative Divorce Knowledge Kit”. In this kit, you’ll discover more about the collaborative model, read about the families who chose collaboration, and directly compare this model to litigation.
