The loss is in the eye of the beholder. Some losses are considered gigantic. Others are expected changes in the status quo. More importantly, the same loss can be viewed very differently by two people. However, we all suffer what we consider great losses.
Regardless of how we view a specific loss in our lives, it can provide the environment to learn more about ourselves and the world we live in. We rarely openly acknowledge that great losses, such as the death of a loved one, change us. However, loss makes us see the world in a more realistic way, to know that pain and sadness is a reality, and to realize that this change is continuous.
But do we really take advantage of the lessons that loss teaches, the spiritual and psychological development that is always available in transformation? As the pain of your grief begins to subside, be open to potential benefits. This is what many have learned that could help us better accept what we cannot control and reduce self-imposed suffering.
1. The importance of interpersonal relationships. It is very easy to overlook how important our interpersonal relationships are until we are depressed and friends and neighbors band together to help out in a time of need. We are often reminded that relationships with others are critical to health and well-being; they are at the center of what makes life happy. The message is: nurture your relationships and provide and accept support.
2. The importance of spiritual life. Death and other great losses always make us think of big questions like Why am I here? And why did this happen? and how does this fit into any plan? The search for meaning in loss reveals our spiritual side. We realize that it is our deep inner life that is so important in handling life’s difficult twists and turns. Many realize the strength, through faith, that can be found in a power greater than self.
3. The importance of the little things that are taken for granted. Short walks along the seashore, the smell of coffee, the sounds of nature, the sun and the stars often seem more pleasant and sometimes necessary after great losses. We are often reminded of how inspiring and enjoyable the simple things in life can be. The message: focus on what you still have to balance your pain.
4. The search for meaning. Why do we have to suffer? How can we fit our loss into some framework of understanding? Why did this loss occur at this time? Answering these questions is not easy, and sometimes answers cannot be found. More often the meaning is found and a new version of life is formed. Old beliefs are often changed and new beliefs are adopted about what is really important.
5. The need for silence and solitude. Being surrounded by many supportive people for long hours makes the precious silence and solitude a welcome gift for many at the end of the day. It often becomes a time to recharge and think of new priorities and directions that can be followed to relearn a world that has drastically changed due to our loss. We can especially think about the fact that life is much more than culture conditions us to believe it is.
6. The assessment of our dependence on the person or object of the loss. Not infrequently, the loss makes us realize that we have lost our identity as a person by relying too much on the loved one or the object of the loss. Now we have to recover what we gave away in a difficult moment. Rebuilding identity and assuming new responsibilities and roles is a great challenge that must be faced.
In short, perhaps one of the reasons we are faced with constant change is to learn from our losses and grow through them, discover who we really are and not live on the surface, but on a deeper level. Could it be that through suffering we learn how big and resilient the inner self is, that we have been living less than full lives, and that we are more than we realize?
Suffering from loss often raises our level of consciousness to heights that never existed. It can lead us to develop our full potential as individuals and in our ability to help others. The challenge is being open to learning from all the experiences life has to offer, even those we’d rather overlook. The choice is clear: learn or suffer without growing.
