Has it ever happened to you? Have you ever had the experience of liking a woman, being a perfect gentleman, and treating her like a queen, only to have her reject you in favor of someone else (possibly very handsome) who doesn’t treat her right, or doesn’t treat her right? ? Does it seem like you care a lot about her? These types of men have been called “bad boys”, “cute boys” or “gamers”. When you are interested in women, do they tend to see you as a friend or “brother” rather than a romantic interest? Do women tell you that you are “too nice”? If so, you are not alone. This article will give you, the good boy, some tips on how to use the charming boy traits to your advantage, while preserving your good boy values.
Let’s brainstorm for a minute. What makes charming guys or players attractive? They are funny, spontaneous, unpredictable, mysterious, and act like they don’t care what others think of them (aka confidence). They follow their own rules and don’t let others (including their dates) trample them. And they often look good.
So what can you do? You don’t have to engage in risky behaviors to be successful with women. Come up with some “safe” ideas on the spur of the moment; for example, “Let’s have sushi / ice cream / a Margarita” or “Let’s go for a walk and see where we end up.” If this isn’t your usual “you,” you may be enjoying your newfound spontaneity. It can be mysterious / unpredictable without violating its principles. Do not call her the day after you receive her phone number or the day after an appointment. Give her time to wonder if you will call her; keep her guessing. People often want what is not easy to achieve and women like small challenges.
You are the man. Many women look for men who are confident and determined, who can be trusted to get things done. On a date, take command but don’t be pushy. Always have a Plan A and a Plan B, so you don’t miss the concert in case the restaurant loses its reservation and there is a 1-1 / 2 hour wait. But always be flexible, in case your date hates Chinese food, for example, or just tells you that her favorite music group is in town, tonight only.
Low-cost meeting dates include the zoo, museum, or miniature golf. In addition to saving you money, these inexpensive dates also minimize the feeling that you have to “pamper” or “buy” her affection with an extravagant evening of wine and dinner. And if he likes you, he won’t mind a “cheap” date; she just wants to be with you.
Keep it light and upbeat. Don’t feel needy or nervous. You may be a little anxious on a date, but she doesn’t need to know. Keep things light and fun, and pay attention to her. That in itself will help you stop focusing and help you feel more confident. And be a gentleman (you’re good at this already). For example, always offer to pay the bill unless she insists on paying, opens doors for you, etc. But don’t go overboard with gifts, lest you seem desperate.
Let her speak. This is where the good guys have an advantage. Most women like to communicate verbally and appreciate the opportunity to be heard. (But be sure to listen; don’t let your mind wander.) She will be impressed if you remember details about things that are important to her, like her pet’s name or her favorite book. If you put her online, check her profile for questions you can ask her about her interests.
Neatness counts. Take another hint from the lovely boys. You don’t have to look like Brad Pitt, but make the most of what you have. Check your grooming, clothing and accessories with an objective eye. If you want feedback, ask a friend, possibly a friend, for an honest opinion. Or tune in to one of the new TV shows that focus on men’s wardrobe / grooming tips.
Have a life (and a backbone). Just because he is dating a woman does not mean that he is leaving everything else (including his own friends, hobbies, and interests). After all, relationships can come and go. Remain yourself. You are not always at their beck and call. When you really don’t want to do something (for example, if she wants you to cancel your ball game or a night out with your friends to go shoe shopping with her), it’s okay to turn it down. Telling her that it may not be difficult for nice guys, but if she is worth keeping, she will respect you and value her time with you more. To soften the blow, you can offer him an alternate meeting. For example, “Sorry, I can’t go on Saturday. How about I take you to that new play you wanted to see on Sunday?”
How do you miss? Remember: you have the right to evaluate it, not just the other way around. Do you want a second date? Is she relationship material (if that’s what you’re looking for)? Just because she’s attractive / smart / stylish doesn’t necessarily mean she’s right for you. Does she treat you well? She is kind. Does she have a decent self-esteem? Is she giving? If you’re looking for a long-term relationship, can you still see yourself with her in 20 years, when some of the supermodel looks have started to fade?
The good news for good guys is that as women get older, perhaps having survived a bad boy heartbreak or two, they are more likely to appreciate good guys. Make a list of your good points, the qualities you have to offer. Follow it. And start to believe that you are a cheat (or at least act like one)!
