Pets

The thong that sank a thousand ships

This article is proof that sometimes your favorite topics just find a way to join. In this case, it’s thongs and marketing.

I love thongs. On the beach, by the pool, under a short skirt, with low-rise jeans, everywhere. In my opinion, there is no butt, a thong does not do better. And before I get you hooked on a picture of a fat middle-aged guy flossing along the coast, let me clarify that I’m not talking about myself. I mean all of you lovely ladies of all shapes and sizes.

If you are a Facebook friend or a Twitter follower, you know that lately I have been obsessed with the fact that Venus Swimwear no longer markets or sells thong bikinis. And at first glance, I understand. I really do. Thongs probably represent a small percentage of your total sales. I don’t know the numbers, but I’d probably put it at 1-3%. In business terms, it is a dog.

Before you agree with me, let me give you anecdotal pleasure with a story about my life. My wife is good. I’ve said it before. That’s not the best thing about her, but it’s definitely a bonus. That, combined with my love for thong bikinis, has led her to have a full drawer full of bikinis worth roughly $ 1000 … but this is where it gets interesting. Of that $ 1000, maybe $ 200 is thongs. And that’s the point to keep in mind as I continue.

Venus is kind of a hot school teacher / Wisteria Lane (Sorry for the Desperate Housewives reference … my wife sees it) classy but naughty swimwear retailer. Swimsuits cost around $ 80 for a bikini, and you can buy all kinds of accessories and mix and match. Think of Macy’s with a good ass.

Now, as a supplier of all things thong related, you can imagine that in the back or on my toilet, as I’m sure yours, is a pile of various reading materials. Venus and Victoria’s Secret catalogs among them. As I flick through these catalogs while doing my thing, by sheer force of nature, I always stop at one showing a thong and imagine how good it would look on my wife.

I hear the page, wash my hands (as you always should), and bring the magazine to my wife. At that point we ALWAYS have the same discussion which is something like that.

Me. “If I get you this, will you wear it?”

His. “Not.”

Me. “Come on honey, you will look amazing in him!”

His. “Not”

Me. “Well, I’ll get it for you anyway. Maybe you’ll wear it.”

His. “Not”

Me. “Why not?”

His. “We have had this discussion before.”

Me. “Well, do you remind me?”

His. “First, I’m too fat for that (she’s not) and nobody wants to see me with it anymore.”

Me. “No, you look amazing!”

His. “SECOND I’m a doctor now. I don’t think people want to see their doctor prancing around in a thong like a horny college girl.”

Yo man if I saw my hot doctor in a thong bikini he would definitely become my GP.

Me. “Well how about the pool?”

His. “Okay. I could use it at home. But I like the Brazilian on the back … and the wrap.”

Me. PUNCTUATION! At least she’ll wear it in the house by the pool, and if I get her the moderate one, I can always pack the thong in the suitcase, and who knows, she might feel adventurous at the beach.

And that is. The discussion may not be exactly the same everywhere, but I guess I’m not alone either.

So what is the commercial point of all this? First. Don’t assume that because a product has low sales, it is a dog. It can be a gateway product or a loss leader. Supermarkets sell turkeys for. $ .19 a pound on Thanksgiving with no losses for you to buy hundreds of dollars worth of stuffing, wine, blueberries and everything else that goes with it.

Looking at a balance sheet will never tell you this. Only meaningful interaction and close observation of your buyer’s behavior will tell you this. In my case, for every $ 40 you spend on a thong, it will also come with a $ 40 top (or maybe 2) a $ 40 moderate bottom and a $ 30 wrap minimum.

If you no longer sell or trade the thong bikini, I no longer bring the magazine to my wife, I will no longer beg her like a buffoon and Venus will no longer get my $ 150 sale, all of which was driven by her 1-2% of product for dogs.

Keep it up.

not a word

P.S. I’m also going to send this to some marketing executives from Venus. I don’t know any of them personally, but when I was VP of Marketing for a large company, this kind of feedback would certainly be helpful. I’ll keep you posted on how it goes.

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