“No one else will ever love you.”
It is as if I have taken a hot iron and carved the words into your soul. Instead of rejecting them and acknowledging that the speaker is cruel and a liar, you find yourself teetering on the brink of doubt, mulling over the words, allowing them to resonate and take root, unquestionably.
“Why would he say something so hurtful? He must see something I don’t see in myself. What if I’m really nasty, a loser, a failure?”
It’s a heartless disappointment. If you allow those thoughts to simmer, aside from a proper understanding of the abuser’s agenda, you may begin to accept and even believe the lie, if only for the reason that the one spewing the slander also has the audacity to tell you. who loves your. In some ways, it’s easier to accept that he’s sincere than to believe that he’s deliberately trying to hurt you and therefore doesn’t really love you at all. That option is too painful to consider, and that little crack in your broken heart allows his hurtful words to seep through.
What you need to know is that if he can make you believe his lies, he will keep you tied to him. In fact, you will begin to see him as someone who is patient and even benevolent. He is willing to tolerate your presence, to put up with you despite your many glaring inadequacies. He graciously gives you the opportunity to improve yourself when he is fully aware that you are a pathetic, disposable creature totally unworthy of him.
what a boy
The moment you give his evaluation of you the slightest measure of credibility, you begin to give him the power to define who you are. In a valiant effort to demonstrate loyalty and submission and perhaps win her love, her actions may in fact reflect the assumption that its the truth is tea TRUE. The moment you go on a mission to convince him that he’s wrong about you, you actually give credence to all the terrible things he says. You value the false identity that he has chosen for you.
He recognizes that his words are deliberately designed to cut, crush and paralyze. There is not a trace of love, or truth, woven between them.
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“How can you be so stupid?”
“I don’t need you, you need me.”
“There is something seriously wrong with you.”
“You can’t do anything right.”
“You are worth nothing.”
“I don’t know why I put up with you.”
His words tell you that you have nothing to offer, no rights, no value. He makes you imagine that there must be some unknown quality you lack that makes you worthy of him. Yes, those things he says are meant to make you contemplate how truly embarrassed you will be if this relationship fails. He is doing his part to blind you to the truth, because you are undeniably special and desirable, and also possess everything you need to survive and thrive without him. It’s important to him that you never understand that truth. He must keep you down, preoccupied with his endless insanity of him, and groveling for his approval.
It can be a struggle of many years to overcome if your words feel true to a place where you can assess whether are true, and I’m sure they’re not. So, as hard as it is, you will have to recognize that the things he says are not based on any misunderstanding; those terrible things he says to you are slander and intentional lies. Not only does he not care if you hurt, he wants you to hurt, because your pain gives him a strong and demeaning control over your life.
In order to overcome the lies, you will have to fight to remember who you really are and all that you have to offer. It hurts to know that those words should never have been spoken, were never deserved. The words were treacherous, consistent with the nature of the one who spoke them.
Let’s look at this in a different way. What are some of the things you might expect a loving husband to say to you? How about something like…
“You’re the best thing that ever happened to me”.
“I adore you.”
“I am a very lucky man.”
When I was separated from my abuser, he would occasionally call me late at night when he knew I would be in bed. When I turned around to answer the phone, he would always start with a warm “hello” and begin his late-night conversation with something benign only to quickly escalate into a tirade of injustices and offenses he claimed I had committed against him. In my sleepy stupor, I tried to defend myself, to reason with him, believing I could convince him of the sincerity of my intentions. Usually he would conclude his assault with a passionate flourish of untempered anger and hang up on me. And, he would pull my pillow to my chest and cry myself to sleep, wondering where I had gone wrong, why he was so hell-bent on hurting me, and considering if there was an ounce of truth amidst all the malicious things he said. he said he.
Of course, all those things he said were just lies. He knew that I was not sleeping. She wasn’t selfish, insensitive, stupid, arrogant, lazy, dishonest, suspicious, ruthless, or any of the other words he used to describe me. No, the sickening truth is that the man had almost certainly been strategizing for days, assessing my vulnerabilities, planning his attack, bent on emotional annihilation. His schemes included a mountain of different ways to keep me doubting my worth and my sanity in the hope that I would crumble under the weight of it all.
When I finally saw the truth about the nature of the man who was my husband, it was devastating. However, that realization allowed me to change my focus and receive the tender affirmation of my God-Father, who came to my side to strengthen me, reminding me of my true identity and worth.
In the years after the divorce, there were times when I could still hear the echo of my ex-husband’s shameful prophecy: “No one else will ever love you.” But the day has come when God brought love my way, and I am free to love and be loved.
You cannot afford to be drawn into the deep darkness of your abuser’s lies. Don’t let it stop you from seeing all you have to offer and becoming all you want to be. Look back, look inside and remember who you are. Then look ahead and choose to live a life consistent with your true identity. Hear the words of affirmation from the One who knows you and proclaims, “You are special. You have value. You are loved.”
Know that your abuser’s vilifications can only hold you captive for as long as you choose to believe them, and the man who spits them out is a liar whose words come straight from the pit of hell. There is no good reason to stay in the same house with a man who treats you like this.
