Perhaps one of the most difficult aspects of human life is dealing with a breakup. This is the time when the mind can go absolutely “banana” on you with all the old memories coming up, thoughts of her being with a new guy, tossing and turning in bed late at night with the guilt of past mistakes and trying to figure out exactly what went wrong.
We then began the arduous task of comparing each memory and ranking them in terms of “this was MY mistake” vs. “this was definitely YOUR fault” and of course, from time to time those two categories tend to be reversed, where you go, “Wait I think that was actually MY problem, not hers… no wait, actually we both screwed up…” and every once in a while the mind makes it all seem like “my fault”. ..
…Then comes the insecurities about your own attractiveness, social value, ability to love, and you can’t help but wonder, “What does her new guy have that I don’t?”…Of course, then the mind can warp. the image you have of yourself to make you look really nasty, despicable and evil. Embarrassing, really. The mistakes you made can get so blown out of proportion that you look like Hitler. And she looks like a goddess who can do no wrong. Then she goes backwards, where she looks evil and you look like the victim.
What is going on with the mind?
“Victim/Perpetrator Consciousness” is inherent in the ego/mind structure, which sees everything in dualistic ‘black and white’ terms. Secretly, you want to be seen as “correct” in everything so that you can “win” arguments, get approval, and “feel good” again.
The whole thing can be very confusing, and the mind is like a walking, talking contradiction and a true hypocrite by design. It is not reliable; something more is needed to discover the truth. Having emerged from the animal kingdom for long periods of time, the ego is basically a dinosaur with an intellect.
Dino has had it easy. They had no conscience to deal with! They didn’t exactly mourn the loss of personal love. They could just go out and kill all day, come home and not worry about it. Life must have been pretty good.
The breakups and the related pain, confusion, agony, and suffering are due to not knowing the truth. Whenever we don’t know the truth, we feel pain, and whenever we discover the truth, we discover healing. The truth is like a medicine. Spare your mind for this agony and grievance. It’s just doing what it’s ‘supposed’ to do. It’s just an animal; do not count on him to solve all your problems, and do not look to him for the help of Love. For Love, you must go beyond.
To get over the heartbreak of the breakup, one must realize that, in truth, love can never be lost in the same way that gravity can never be lost. But it takes training and dedication to discover the true Source of Love and Happiness that is within us and around us at all times without exception.
Trying to solve a love problem on the level of the intellect will not get you very far. Love is one thing and intellect is quite another. The mind is great at helping you solve math and computer problems, but when it comes to women and relationships, you’ll never succeed as long as you search your mind for answers. That is a spiritual fact. The intellect operates from the presumption of ’cause’ and ‘effect’, but Love is causal; It has no cause. Love simply is. Love just exists. Continually. The mind simply has to be taught where to look.
When the Source of Love is discovered within, there is no pain that cannot heal; there are no worldly annoyances that I cannot get off your hands for you. Good luck on your inner path.
many blessings,
Stephane Hemon
